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Monday, September 7, 2009

Then and Now

Bryce, Brycie, Brycer. It's hard to believe that you are turning 1 year old. It seems like just yesterday I was walking the aisles of Wal-mart stopping to breath through contractions. Now here you are, crawling around and filling the room with the beautiful sound of babbles. The year has gone by fast, but I will never forget the night you were born.

I remember the first contraction. I was around 28 weeks pregnant and I thought that Braxton Hicks contraction really hurt the 2nd time around! The contractions kept coming, and through the tests and the "drink plenty of water" my baby stayed in there until 36 weeks, when he decided there was no more room inside mommy. Bryce greeted us in the early morning hours of September 8, 2008.

The day before was long and painful. I thought I was just having the contractions that I had been having for the past 2 months. I thought nothing of it. I went shopping that day, cooked dinner, and worked on getting prepared for the next day at school, stopping every 10 minutes to breath through the current contraction. I tried timing them, but some came every 5 minutes and barely hurt, while others came every 10 minutes and took me off my feet. With my nose in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" I learned that this was false labor. The day went on, and so did my contractions. By that night, I had made preparations for Cailyn and decided that I should pack a hospital bag just in case. Preparations weren't not in mind, as we didn't even have a carseat or baby bag packed. Eric went to bed and the contractions probably could have shaken the house. Finally, after a contraction that took my breath away and lasted around 5-6 minutes, I called the OB department at 11:30PM. I told the nurse that I have had contractions for 2 months and didn't think anything of it. I told her that I don't dilate on my own so I really felt no hurry to come in. She told me that I might as well anyway to be safe and that no one was in OB and she was bored.

I called our friends to let them know Cailyn would be coming over and woke up Eric. We loaded up our precious baby girl and as I handed her over to my friend, I cried painful tears. Not because I was in pain, but because I knew my little girl must be so scared and confused. It hurt to walk away and leave her and know that possibly the next time we saw her she would be metamorphed into a big sister. I cried all the way to the hospital. We got to the maternity floor at Skiff and met an angel. Jenny was her name and she was the only nurse working OB that night. I was the only patient. Jenny did her job and found that I was almost 6 centimeters's dilated. She looked me right in the eye and said, "you're not going anywhere, we're having a baby tonight".

Jenny never left my side from the moment I got to the hospital to the moment I was holding Bryce in my arms. She even stayed on her shift after her hours were over to help with the newborn baby care. A saint she was.

At 5:40 AM, Bryce made his appearance into the world weighing in at 5 pounds 8 ounces, and 4 weeks early. He was perfect. He was placed on my chest immediately and I gazed into the tiny creatures eyes and fell instantly in love with the little Mr. Eager. He was soon taken from me for evaluations and breathing treatments, but was able to stay in my room the entire time. Phone calls were made and grandparents were suprised with the news of his early arrival. The first words were, "is he doing ok?" He was doing great. Within a few hours, Bryce was able to regulate his breathing on his own and was able to be off of all the monitors. The next few days were spend nursing, cuddling, and enjoying my newborn baby boy.

I remember everything happening so fast. I went from being pregnant for another month or so, to holding my bundle of joy in my arms. At the time, I couldn't have been more than ready to have him come (except for the fact that my long term sub was out of the country!) I now realize how lucky we were for his health. He hung on and although acted like he wanted to show up much earlier, he didn't. I think about all the babies who are born at 28, 30, 32 weeks along and see how their life is a complete struggle and I thank God for watching over our baby and blessing him with health. Even through the tummy problems, the trips to Blank Children's Hospital, and the endless hours of crying each night, I always went to bed thanking God for the gift He had given us. So many babies struggle with so many more problems then a tummy ache and colic. There were nights that the crying was so intense that Cailyn would cry as well. Some nights I sat down in the living room with both of my angel babies and we all cried together, feeling so helpless for Bryce. There were nights I wasn't sure I would make it and called Eric at work crying. However, a mothers strength will always make it through and I always did. I never once put Bryce down to cry and walk away. I never once got angry with him. I did nothing but bounce, pace, and love him with all that I had.

I look at him now and see a beautiful, happy, healthy child. I have given him all the love that I have and he shows it in his smiles, giggles, kisses, and cuddles. I will continue to love him with all my heart, day after day, forever. Everytime I look at him, my heart melts and he takes over every emotion I have. His blue eyes look at me with complete innocence and all I can do is kiss his pudgy cheeks and tear up. He is my everything. He is one of my reasons for being. He is all I have ever wanted. He is my B-man. And he holds my heart in his hands.

Happy 1st birthday Mr. Bryce. I love you more than you will ever know!

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