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Monday, August 1, 2011

It's About Time

"It's about time"

These three words are words that I have heard over and over again in recent months.  The people that speak these words to me are not using an exasperated tone such as the tone you hear from a friend or parent as they roll their eyes when you finally come to a decision on what you want to do for your birthday. Instead they are speaking to me in an inquiring tone.  A poking and prodding tone spoke in a sing song like voice.  Several words continue to follow those three words.

"It's about time...."

They continue with, "...for another. Don't you think?"  I smile politely with my heart full of secret hope and tell them that I would love another baby and in time it will happen. 

In time. 

Not present time.  Not even near future.  It could be years from now.  The truth is, is that I don't know.  I have a plan in mind, but plans change.  Life changes.  And sometimes a baby doesn't fit in with those changes.

I know that many people live by the sayings, "if you wait until you can afford it, you'll never have one" and "enjoy the time you have together for now" and "establish your career and house first".  However, as a young adult that married straight out of college, I was eager to start the life I had always dreamed of: marriage, job, baby.  I did just that-all my dreams had come true 1 year after I graduated college. 

People questioned me and raised their eyebrows in disapproval.  I didn't care. We made it work-we bought a house, worked summers, and hunted down insurance plans for our coming bundle.  I loved every moment spent with Cailyn and soon started hinting at Eric that I wanted another.  While he wasn't completely on board, he agreed to "see what happens". 

What happened was Bryce. Back to working summers, Eric working a 2nd job, and me being the one to care for the kids on my own in the evening. Bryce cried, Cailyn cried, I cried.  Yet the memories are fond and I long for those newborn days again.

"It's about time..."

I know that others see the way I look at infants.  My eyes sparkle and my motherly instincts gear into overdrive.  I am enchanted by the coos, I treasure the baby smell, and delight in the way they curl their little bodies up and scrunch up their face. it about time?

Come September I will have a 3 year old and a 4 year old.  Preschoolers, not toddlers.  Maybe other's are right and it is time.  I have the ideal "time" planned out in my head.  I get pregnant in the summer months in order to have the baby in the spring.  This allows me to have up to 4.5 months off of work with the baby due to summer break.  Ideal, right?

Well the summer is coming to an end, and no, I do not have an announcement to make.  To answer your question, it isn't quite time. Life changes have come into play in our planning process and although I desperately yearn for the feeling of a baby fluttering in my stomach and yearn to bring another life into this world, it just isn't time. 

With the start of a part time teaching position and the upcoming financial cuts we will have to make I know that it is time for me to be patient.  It is time for us to let this coming year unfold and let opportunities come knocking.  It is time for us to know that the future will be a better time to have another baby. 

For now, it is time to spend some of those free afternoons with my two preschoolers.

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